Testimonies
Tsunami at the Ukmerge 2018 spring
How God squeezed my heart like a sponge and all bitterness of my wife went out and my love for my wife was renewed.
I went alone to the Ukmerge Business Man Fellowship (BMF) banquet. It was my second banquet. I have been attending BMF meetings since November 2017 and have been listening to testimonials since September 2017. I don’t remember if no one wanted to ride with me or I didn’t invite anybody, but I drove alone. I flew as on the wings, I was full of some joy. True, before that, BMF men were offered to watch the movie “Fireproof”. And I shared that I liked that movie, but only partially, because it makes his wife fall in love with her husband again only when he buys his wife’s mother a new wheelchair and bed if I’m not mistaken. Basically, a wife loves a husband for money. The image of an American “perfect” man. The men of BMF offered to look this movie so that I would rethink my relationship with my wife. Vaidas told me that maybe I’m trying to put in frame my wife. For some reason he sees an image and a frame, a picture and a picture’s frame. Well I’m thinking nothing just like that, I letting my wife behave the way she wants. But when I got home or the next day, the thought came that maybe I was trying to put God in some kind of old-fashioned frame, and because of that, he wasn’t working the way I wanted him to. And then, I prayed: “God, I don’t know how to let go, how to let You act the way You want in me, not to push You into some kind of frame, so that there won’t be rear-view mirror principle, but I believe you know, and I give everything into your hands. Act”. On Wednesday we talked about the movie, on Friday I prayed, and on Sunday I went to the Ukmerge banquet. Everything went very fast. When I went to the banquet, there were none of my acquaintances, so I was able to concentrate on inside myself and contemplate God. The banquet started. Remigijus prayed and invited Ceslovas to glorify him. As only Ceslovas started praising, only a couple of lines sang. Then, as if to say, “Come, Lord,” I tried to empathize with the hymn, and someone somehow soaked me in, as if under some water, and kicked me out again. And something squeezed my heart. It got hot in my head and in chest and I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. The feeling was similar to when you hit your nose, drive tears, drive sneezing, but only difference, is no pain. Or, for example, you press the ball under the water and it spits out again by the water, but it is all wet and running. And so and so I try to calm down but I couldn’t to control it. In the past, when I experienced something smaller in the church, only through prayer or some contemplation, I just stopped those reflections and calmed down quickly. And there is no way here. Emotions just don’t listen to me, I’m sitting and squealing, but so good, so good inside. I tried to gather thoughts and think of something else, but the thoughts didn’t listen at all, I couldn’t think of anything else just to sit and watch my reaction and listen to what was being sung. It sang another song with the words, “Come as you are to God.” And again I was dragged “under the water” or as if I had gotten into my nose, only I felt no pain but pleasure. Worship was over for now, everyone was invited to eat. I think I need to come to Ceslovas and praise him for so good worshiping. I approached, I say something that he sings beautifully, but again a wave of tears flooded me and I can no longer speak normally. I was ashamed of myself. Emotions didn’t listen to me at all. Next to the banquet, the testimonies went “quietly” if I remember correctly. Then was the time for prayer for needs. I went and asked to pray for me. I spoke, spoke, and again tsunami overtook me and I couldn’t say anything normally, I started crying, and I can’t control my tears in any way. Prayer began and the tsunami flooded again. I stand and cry. After prayer, we said goodbye to each other. Vilija came and said, “How it is joyful that God has touched you like this.” Well Ok – I think – God was here? I wouldn’t have thought about this. I still prayed for those who asked the men for prayer. I was going home. I said goodbye to Ceslovas at the door. Again, I failed to praise normally him that such beautiful glorifying was. I walked out of the cafe, and my breathing became light, because the cafe was so filled up with the spirit of God I understood finally. I clearly felt relieved when I left. As I drove home, I prayed for all the people at the banquet. Tears poured down again and the waves until I reached Panevezys waved until I finally had no words to pray. I calmed down and listened to the music of praise. The next day I wrote to Remigijus, the head of the Ukmergė BMF, about my experiences, asking him to pray for my family so that I could forgive my wife, because we had been fighting lately like cat with a dog. I could no longer resist insults. And when I testified to Remigijus about the events, I felt that evening and the whole next week, like in the beginning of a friendship with my wife, when a beautiful future was shining and we hadn’t yet misbehaved with each other. By this, God testified to me that through those tears I was squeezed like a sponge and that from now on I could absorb the family’s “dirt” again and neutralize it. Never in my life have I had such feelings as I did then, such strength and inability to control myself. I was surprised. Really there are no impossible things for God. What he planned, he will accomplish. We have no way of resisting Him. It is good that He is good and uses His power to lift us up, to save us from wrong choices, because otherwise we would have nowhere to hide from Him, because he can reach us from the outside through situations, circumstances and people, as well as from within, through thoughts, emotions, and so on. Thank You God that You love us. Thanks and praise is to You.